The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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