you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
