you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
