i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
