Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
