Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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