So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
