Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
