you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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