So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
