I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
