umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
