Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I skipped work to stalk him.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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