my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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