I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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