I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
