I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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