At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize