AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
