She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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