I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
