david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
