the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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