Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
