I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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