Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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