He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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