i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
