He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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