My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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