I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
