I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
