So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
