Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
