I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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