Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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