She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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