yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
