She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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