i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
