Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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