sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She is in my trunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
