you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize