I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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