She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
