how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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