she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
