I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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