she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
