I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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