last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
