Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
