You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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