Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
