I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
