Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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