Got a toothbrush?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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