i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
