If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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