I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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