You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I still have a little drunk in my system
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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