dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
