I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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