Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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