My room smells like vodka and shame
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
