I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
