I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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